Black and White

Black and white are two colors that are polar opposites. I have always loved the color black, perhaps it is because of my inner desire to be rebellious. This desire is always contradicted with the fact that I do not make a good rebel. I always feel extremely plagued with guilt whenever I attempt to do something rebellious. Whenever I think about this aspect of my life I think about my aunt, Sara, and I in my grandparent’s car prior to our sixteenth birthday. My heart a pounding and the adrenaline rushing as I found myself easily persuaded to take the car out. Then, as I nearly watching my life passing before my eyes as there were near accidents (not anything major) and near spotting by people of great importance. Perhaps there is something wise to be said to future joyriders, if you are going to take the car out don’t do it in the neighborhood in which you are known. The next day when I arrived safely and unscathed at my home I found myself expectorating the entire story of the prior evening to my mother. The thing that stuck in my mind was what my grandmother said to my aunt which was something like this— “If you are going to do something like that you shouldn’t do it with Claire, she is just going to turn you in.”

The topic of “Black and White” has been popping up in my mind frequently throughout the week. I have known for a long time that I live in a black and white world. I tend to see things as either right or wrong. Good or bad. Sad or happy. There are not a whole lot of in-betweens. This week as I have struggled to search for a new job so that I can move back to the homeland I have been just that: happy or sad. It seems that life is either good or bad and I just cannot find an in-between. I really want to be the kind of person who might be able to live in gray, or someother colors, as well.

I junior high school I had the blessing of having my own room. In a family of eight children your own room is a pretty big privilege. I chose to decorate the entire room in black and white. Perhaps that experience is still lingering, from now on I think that I am going to decorate is lots of colors and maybe that will help me to see the world in a different light. For now, I am just going to have to try and see the light side of things and hope that more often than not I see white.