Cycles

My life goes through cycles.  I am not sure how often this happens to everyone else, but I am currently in the book reading stage of my coping cycle.  It is kind of like the chicken and the egg conundrum, I am not really sure what comes first.  So, I will just start with the self-pity stage.  It seems that life becomes difficult and then I have a very difficult time relating to others, or convincing myself to do anything.  Then eventually there is a lull in the number of terrible things and my poor ability to deal with the circumstances.  Over the past year and a half the amount of time I have spend in this stage has been more than I would like to admit.
After this stage ends then I move onto the book reading stage.  This stage is filled with less self pity, but still an acute awareness of the loneliness of living alone and the lack of social interaction with friends or family.  Part of the reason for this loneliness is directly correlated to the previous cycle.  It is difficult to keep friends close when you can't relate to them and have difficulty convincing yourself to spend time with people.  I know that there are people out there who will feel guilt about the loneliness and my other feelings, but I don't believe that is the fault of other.  Humans are built to think of themselves and their families first. Plus who wants to hang out with someone who is unhappy?  So, here I am hanging out alone (in the circumstances I have created for myself) filling up my time reading book which become my friends.  I think that this is why I read so much as a child.  I have always struggled to connect with others.  So, I read and become drawn to the characters, relating to them and being engulfed in their stories, which decreases my sense of isolation.  Therefore, I feel like the book reading stage is not necessarily a bad thing.  Plus, my brain gets smarter...at least I think?!??!
Next comes the self motivated stage.  Suddenly when it is least expected I will be filled with unbelievable motivation.  Filled with enlightenment and energy I feel like I can take over the world.  This stage of the cycle I cannot seem to force and then of this stage is also unexpected.  Something emotionally difficult to manage comes along again and suddenly I am filled with self loathing and depression once again.
I wish that my entire life could be spent with the feeling of fulfillment and self motivation, but I suppose that my Father in Heaven has to present me with struggles in life to appreciate my accomplishments.  I am hoping that after I start teaching classes at the beginning of July that I will move back into the 3rd stage.  I am sure that I will be spending most of my life fighting to be in the self motivation stage.